Since my post of yesterday raised a number of questions asked by readers, both in the comments and in private emails, I thought I should clarify a couple of things, before I leave Berlin for good. I’ll keep this one short, too.
I leave Berlin with a little sadness, but mostly excitement for more adventure, and even more, with a sense that not that much is really going to change. Before life rushes on, and my life here recedes, let me explain.
I love Berlin, and these past four years have been crucial in my long life. Leaving is a decision I’ve mulled for some time, and I have only slowly gotten comfortable with the idea. It’s always hard when something ends. But leaving makes a lot more sense in my particular, not to mention peculiar, case.
I am leaving Berlin primarily because, at the end of the last couple of years particularly, I realized that I was already leaving Berlin – all the time! I spent less than half of the last two years here, traveling to Asia, to North America, and around Europe, so that maintaining a place here really cut into my travel budget.
And my travel budget is my life budget.
My life is not settled by choice. I had thought that it would be settled in Berlin – I was driven here by COVID, by the realization that I had no where to go when it hit – but as much as I love it, Berlin hasn’t become home the way New York and Sacramento were. For one thing, it’s been virtually impossible for me to find a permanent apartment, a challenge shared by many Germans and immigrants.
So I am instead always renting a room, and moving at least once a year. Which is manageable, but it certainly doesn’t give me a sense of home; paying for that room while I was gone for, say, six of this year’s nine months, is kind of stupid, given my budget. Writing this in a temporary sublet from a friend just underlines the feeling that I am already traveling!
Also, I have come to hate winters here. I can do it for a week or so, but not five or six months out of the year. It’s too dark. It doesn’t work for my body any more. Since I can be wherever I want, and generally am, there’s just no point in it. Berlin in summer is great; from October to May…not so much.
On an emotional level, I never found the community here that I wanted. That may well be a function of my being gone so much, but there are other factors. Berlin is a lovely town, but it’s a strange, transient town as well. As it’s the youngest city in Europe, that makes sense. That said, many people do find community, and I have friends here, including some very good friends – but I never found community. Here.
My community, like my life, is distributed around the globe. Going back to the Best Coast and getting a good taste of that community was great confirmation that it’s possible, and that it just didn’t happen in Berlin. For me. For whatever reason.
I tried.
Beyond that, dealing with two governments, two monetary systems, two health care systems, two languages, and all of the rest has grown to feel not-worth-it. I can come here and enjoy all of the things I love about Berlin without paying taxes or registering and unregistering with the government every time I have to move (yeah, you have to do that…Americans would REVOLT if they had to deal with Berlin bureaucracy). Communications about everything from health care to cell phone bills in German gets old. Two cell phones, two health care systems, two tax systems – with all their attendant costs – no!
And I will come here in the summer - when it’s nice.
So that’s it in a nutshell. I am leaving on Monday for an extended time abroad, first in Europe, in the U.S., and finally in Asia…which is exactly what I’d be doing even if I still “lived in” Berlin! So in many respects, nothing much has changed – except in one big way: I calculated the costs I’ll be giving up by leaving now, and it amounts to more than $10,000 a year, which is, y’know, real money.
I can have a lot of fun, in a lot of places, with that kind of “extra” money.
There’s much more to be said about the future, but right now, I’m just trying to prepare for it. More boxing and shipping, more dealing with banks and the government, more farewells. But I’m nearly there…wherever “there” ends up being.
Honestly, I’m not entirely sure where I’ll be on Monday! I have an idea, but I still don’t have an airplane ticket or a place to stay. I guess I’m living in the moment, and I’m getting quite accustomed to it. Amazing what one can get used to.
So…I’ll keep you posted.
Onward!!
Greetings from Como Italy. I’ve been wondering how you were doing. It’s been awhile. Safe travel David. See ya on the Best Coast the next time you pass thru.
I am thrilled for you that you have been able to do travel to so many places and have such a grand time. Have a ball wherever you end up.By the way, I love the photo you posted. You look great. Lots of love, Acquaiva