Dear friends
I am back, sort of, after a month of Substack silence. I needed it.
I still need it.
I am in the midst of wrapping up my four-year sojourn in Berlin, and it is a blur of financial complications, government niceties (and not-so-niceties), repairing errands, packings and shippings, bookings and booking frustrations, an uncertain immediate future, unrelenting (internal) creative pressures…and a few fond, if complicated, farewells.
It’s been a week.
I was going to come back strong by writing about what I did on my summer vacation. It was fabulous, my best Burning Man ever, a month of love and connection, with old friends and new, a re-grounding of myself and my life in the many wonders of the Best Coast.
But it all feels very long ago after this week back in Berlin. Missions accomplished, yes, but new missions spring up like weeds. Let’s just say I look forward to regaining my freedom, and reducing my responsibilities back from two governments, two health care systems, two banking systems, to one. One is more than enough.
I am also in the final throes of reducing my physical belongings even more. My distributed life is very light indeed, but my few belongings still require what can seem like constant tending, monitoring and lifting. I don’t have a lot of stuff, but it feels as though I carry every piece of it somewhere, at least once a year.
It’s a little kooky, honestly. I’m tired.
My emotional connections, while the essence of my (like everyone’s) life, also need tending, and I do so gladly. But when things get complicated, the responsibilities can feel crushing. Depending on folks, supporting others, listening, understanding, taking criticism, giving leeway and hoping for some space to be my own flawed self…well, it’s a lot.
I do my best.
Today, Friday the 20th, is a big, big day of finally, hopefully, wrapping up after what has felt like an endless, heavy week. As I often say in the midst of big changes, the only way out is through, so I’m head down, nose to the metal, pedal to the grindstone…you get my point.
But I am here, and I haven’t forgotten my responsibilities to my vast, impatient, and adoring public (sic). I just can’t manage more than this right now. I do write, but I find everything I write wanting. I am, of course, my own harshest critic, and I’ve been more critical than normal this week.
So I need just a bit more time to get past this weekend, to close what has been a very significant, very impactful “era” (oh, TayTay, dear girl, you have NO idea how complicated it can get) of my life, here in Berlin.
Goodbye to all that.
And hello to what’s next. It’s going to be FUN.
But not quite yet.
Onward. Soon.
Brava David,
Perhaps some small amount of unknown judaic genes ? You are familiar, the phrase, wandering Jew? :)
Bit of tongue in cheek.
Many wish to leave a place, go elsewhere, escape this or that dislike or even boredom. Most stay put and put up with whatever is presented to them in their life.
That overused ( I find it dismissive most of the time), overworked phrase, "it is what it is"gets bandied about .
Takes chutzpah to pick up and go elsewhere, even when elsewhere is back to familiar ground. Or country.
You've still got a fabulous project waiting in the wings for completion too!
Perhaps your focus upon that project is to be your grounding point?
Just sayin.. (to use another overused annoying phrase). LOL
Hey, a bit of sand in life's bathing suit may be just the ticket to boot you in the right direction.
We both know what I am talking about. Yes?
Love and Light, DWB
PS- Let me know where you physically land. Ready to step up to your goal?
Nan
Hi, David! It’s do good to hear from you! I’ve written this before, but I think you are so ver6 brave. 🤗